


Heart Map

by honeypower



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Expedtion AU, F/M, Post Titan War, canonverse, post titans
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-13
Updated: 2015-08-09
Packaged: 2018-03-30 10:37:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3933598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeypower/pseuds/honeypower
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. A knock on her door in the middle of the night reminded her of old days. But she quickly pushed the thought away, there was no way in hell it could be him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Shiganshina was quiet at night. The noise coming from nearby construction sites, had quieted down. The laughter of children running through the streets, happily playing ball or hide and seek, had disappeared. The sales people in the markets, with their loud voices and persuasive offers, had abandoned their stalls for the day. Yes, slowly new life was coming back to this part of the kingdom, but you wouldn’t know any of that by looking on at night.

Through the years, Hanji had learned to love this silence. She had forced herself to stop picking it apart, to stop being prepared for the worst. The worst wasn’t going to come ever again, and she had lived long enough to see that day. In the morning, silence would make room for the chirping of the birds. Slowly the rummaging of the people on their way to work would join in and soon it would be hard to imagine that Shiganshina could ever be a quiet place.

Hanji looked out of her kitchen window into the dark of the night. With all these new developments, she had made it her goal to make sure humanity would continue to be able to blossom. Back in the living room she went through her belongings, tiptoeing from one part of the room to the other. Books and equipment were strewn in one part, clothing in another and mementos that had piled up over the years in yet another. In the middle of her room lay her large trunk, which was not supposed to exceed 30 kilograms, Moblit had made sure to tell her multiple times. So obviously, she was struggling with deciding what to leave and what to take. The most important thing was her equipment. She needed her maps, compass and her sextant, but then there were books upon books that were important as well. She had already transcribed the most important things into notebooks, easier and lighter to carry, but still felt like taking some of the books as well. Then there were empty notebooks and paper, quills and ink. What if she were to run out of paper far away from any human settlements, make a discovery and not be able to write it down? She shuddered at the thought and put everything in the bag. Next were clothes, she needed clothes for all seasons, since she didn’t know what climate they would find where they went. She also needed different shoes. Boots lined with fur, but also lighter ones. She stuffed everything into the bag and moved onto the other items. Her good-luck goggles, broken from the final battle, an old journal and some old letters from other veterans that she had received throughout the years. She rummaged a little further when her heart missed a beat. There it is was, neatly folded into a small square, a green Scouting Legion cloak. Not just any cloak and not hers either, but his. A farewell present. It still had a green bow around it. She had stored in the depths of her closet upon moving in and completely forgotten about it. Deep down she had hoped to never see it again.

And yet here it was, making her think of him again. His stoic gaze when she told him lewd jokes and he was trying his best not to laugh, him sneaking into her room at night, him in front of her as they rode out of the city gates, him pretending not to be injured that badly, him looking into her eyes as bandaged her leg, him asleep lying next to her. Even though so much time had passed, she could still conjure up all these memories, and the feelings linked to them. Crisp and clear as if they had happened the day before. Throughout their time, they had never needed to explain themselves to each other. They got along, they knew what the other was thinking, they reigned each other in, took care of one another and vowed to get through it all. The two of them had made plans, plans that were supposed to motivate them to make it through all the countless battles that at the time, still lay ahead of them. She had told him of her dream to explore the outside world when it was all over. He had always insisted he would come with her. In quiet moments, hidden away from the others, they would travel in their minds and paint colourful visions of their future lives. But when the future finally arrived, everything changed.

After the battle against the titans ended, Hanji and Levi simply drifted apart. She had been stationed in Shiganshina to lead the newly formed Cartography Institute. He had been stationed on the other side of the kingdom. A desk job, which, much to her surprise, he was actually looking forward to. Forced by law to take up the jobs that had been given to them in the name of rebuilding the kingdom, they vowed to stay in touch and meet at least once in two months. After their mandate of one year, they were to move back together and finally get on with their lives. That had been the plan.

And at first it worked well. They managed to meet, but each time she felt the distance between their lives growing. He was happy about having a job that was normal, at a desk and where nobody died. Even though working in an archive was annoying, and reading with one eye even more so, it was better than the daily fear of death. He’d had enough of adventure for several life times is what he always said. Like an old man, she had thought. Hanji on the other hand, could not wait to finally leave the walls. It was what the both of them had been working towards all this time. At least that is what she had believed.

With time, his letters became more and more superficial and then one day he simply stopped replying. She wondered whether something might have happened to him, but she knew that he was fine. His last letter was filled with words that carried no real content. They were pleasantries. Without any wrongdoing, they had fallen out of each others lives.

Had it perhaps been the thrill of battle that had kept them together in the first place? Had they simply needed something to cling to while everything was falling apart around them? And now that the danger was gone, their love had disappeared along with it?

She put the letters and goggles into a box that was going to go into storage, but held onto the cloak. Her chest tightened as she held in her hands, lost in thought. It stood for so many things that were even larger than Levi, so many sacrifices, so much pain, so many struggles, but also the knowledge that it hadn’t been in vain. These days, one didn’t see the crest of the Scouting Legion around a lot. It had almost become a relic, a thing of the past. The wings that had created this peaceful quiet weren’t needed any more, and Hanji liked that. Nonetheless, she stuffed the cloak into the trunk and looked around for what else needed to be packed.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. A knock on her door in the middle of the night reminded her of old days. But she quickly pushed the thought away, there was no way in hell it could be him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading the first chapter, I hope you enjoyed it. Sorry in advance for any grammatical errors, English is not my first language.  
>  I've always wanted to write something Levihan themed, that takes place in-canon, but after all this mess is over. Smuggled in a little headcanon about Levi having lost an eye during the battle. I remember once seeing a little comic about that on Tumblr, unfortunately I don't remember by whom it was.
> 
> Next chapter is just around the corner, so do check back if you enjoyed it so far.


	2. Chapter 2

Levi stood at Hanji's door knocking frantically, no banging on it. The panic that had driven him all the way from a district on the other side of the kingdom to her door step was still in his bones. Even though he could see the light burning in one of her windows, he couldn't hold back. He continued to knock until he heard a rustling on the other side. As he stood there, he wondered what he'd do if someone other than Hanji opened. She could have moved away, or even worse, met someone new. A strange anticipation filled him, it had been more than a year and a half since he had last heard from her.

Slowly the door opened, slowly she emerged from behind a darkened corridor. A familiar warmth engulfed him as soon as he saw her, relieved that it was actually Hanji. Taking some time to recognize him, her eyes opened wide.

She looked surprised, but puzzled as well, transfixed. It was not what he had expected as a greeting, but he was willing to go with it.

"Levi...," that was all she said. Her lack of words or excitement surprised him, for some reason he had hoped to be welcomed with open arms. Instead, there was a hint of surprise mixed with pity and embarrassment in her voice. A very particular mix of emotions he couldn't help but pick up on. And as the seconds went by, slow like hours, he noticed how strange the whole situation was. Nothing and everything had changed since he last saw her. Misplaced intimacy lay between them, a remnant of what had once been. He felt like reaching out to her or touching her, but kept his hands to himself. She took half a step towards him, seemingly unsure of how to greet him, then stepped back. In a strange way their bodies seemed to have overlooked that they were not a lovers anymore.

"I'm not disturbing you or anything, am I?" he asked looking at her. Levi didn't know where this sudden modesty had come from, but something was making him feel like an intruder. Hanji pushed her glasses up her nose. Standing in front of him, lit by the little lamp over the door, her hair looked much tidier and silkier than he remembered. It had been cropped into a short wavy bob that ended just before her shoulders. Her pyjama, made of a dark blue silky-looking material, looked expensive, like nothing she had owned back in the day. Standing there, with darkness all around them, the warm summer night seemed to be swallowing her whole.

"Not at all!" she exclaimed, finally free from whatever spell had stunned her. "Why didn't you...? If I had known you were coming...," she said with her bespectacled eyes fixed on him. She was trying to analyse the situation, but didn't seem to be able to come to a conclusion.

"Do you always open the door when a stranger knocks in the middle of the night?" he asked mockingly.

"You're hardly a stranger, and besides...," she flashed him her titan sword that she had been hiding behind her back.

"I see, so they still make those?" he asked.

"Sadly they do. As for me, it's a job requirement," she said. He wanted to ask her what she meant by that, but thought better of it.

"Speaking of job, I actually thought you'd be gone by the time I arrive," Levi said while trying his best to small talk. Another thing he was not used to doing with Hanji. Having polite conversation.

"One day later and this place would have been empty," she replied.

"So you're leaving tomorrow?" he asked.

Instead of answering, Hanji just looked at him. A million questions lay in her slightly narrowed eyes, but she settled for just one: "Why are you here, Levi?" she asked.

"To see you off," it shot out of him a little too fast. "One of my colleagues mentioned, that a group of cartographers was going to leave not just the Walls but go beyond any point mapped by modern humanity. I knew it was you and I mean god knows when you will return, so I though I'd pass by," he said. In an effort to come up with an excuse he ended up saying too many things, almost all at once. The truth was, he didn't know why he had come by. Why he had left his job, without taking leave, just to come to visit her one last time before she left. And she seemed to be picking up on it.

"Anyway, come in first of all," she said and finally smiled. Her demeanour became friendly and welcoming again. Just like he remembered her.

In her apartment, he stumbled over various books, items of clothing and equipment before he managed to find a free chair. This was something that would never change. Come war, come peace, Hanji Zoe would always be untidy. He looked around the room, the bookshelves had been emptied and some books and been messily put back in. There was a dried potted plant on the highest shelf. Her desk was overflowing with notes and the floor was littered with loose socks and shirts. But no matter how much he looked, the frame with a picture of a loved one he was dreading to discover, was nowhere to be found. Nothing seemed to give away the possibility of another person in her life and yet, he felt uncomfortable about what he might discover.

"Sorry I'm still packing that's why there is all this stuff lying around," she said nervously, while passing him a cup of tea.

"You don't need to keep up appearances in front of me, Hanji," he said stirring the sugar in his tea.

"I'm not. I'm actually very tidy these days. Now that I have the time and reason to actually clean up," she answered and sat on the ground.

He looked at her with a raised brow, before he could stop himself. Another gesture that felt misplaced and too personal. What did he know, maybe she had changed since the last time he'd seen her. After such a long time of not to being in touch, he felt like he was meeting a person he once knew in another life. An eerily familiar stranger.

"Okay, maybe I am not tidy, but I am not messy either," she said going through a bunch of books. She looked at each cover, read them with her lips slightly moving and then decided whether to put them away or pack them in her bag.

"So you're actually going to explore the world, huh?" he commented.

"It's crazy right?" she said continuing to read the covers on books. "It's hardly the world, but you know, finally away from the Walls."

"Better than nothing, and I think it suits you. I mean, you've always been into all this science and exploring stuff."

"And how is your job going? Dying of boredom already?" she asked, apparently wanting to change the subject.

"Actually, I like it a lot. After all that stuff and my eye," he said touching the patch that covered his right eye. "I don't have to move too much while working, either. It's better for me. I like it."

"You already said that," Hanji said without looking up from her books. A strand of hair had fallen over her face.

"What?" he asked, astounded that she still had it in her. That she could still walk all over him and strip down his masks one by one.

"That you like you like your new job. You said it twice in fact." She tucked the loose strand of hair behind her ear.

"Yeah, that's because I really, really..."

"...like it?" she completed his sentence.

"Yes," he said and he felt so hollow he could have sworn the word echoed right through him.

"I see," she said unfazed. She wasn't buying it.

"I'm lying."

"I know."

"I actually hate that place," he said while making sure not to look in her direction.

"I thought so."

"I want to come with you."

She dropped the books she was holding and stared into her lap for what seemed like an eternity. Then she looked up at him.

"Sure, why not?" she said and she was lying, he knew it.

"Yeah, why not?" he replied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this time a little something from Levi's perspective. I was trying to capture that strange feeling of meeting someone one once knew and having to get to know them all over again, despite already knowing them quite well. I hope it made sense and I hope you enjoyed the chapter.


	3. Chapter 3

She looked up at Levi and still couldn't believe they were in the same room. After all the time that had passed, she still liked the way he looked. The thin wrinkles around his eyes and mouth had become a bit deeper, and his toned muscles had made way for a bit of fat. She tried and tried to find a fault in him, as he went on and on about how lousy his job was, but couldn't. As she continued to wonder, he talked more than she remembered back in the day. About how he wasn't made for desk jobs in the first place and how the calmness that he liked so much after the war was now driving him up the wall. She listened attentively, afraid that if she interrupted him he would come to his senses and stop sharing what he had been up to.

"You know what? It's been ages since I was able to talk like this? The others, who weren't there don't get it. They think I am just a creepy guy with one eye," he said.

"Well, they do have a point," she said laughing.

"I try my best, but I guess the eye patch will always be intimidating," he said. Levi knew that it wasn't just his eye that made it difficult for most people to approach him, Hanji was aware of this. She wondered if there was anyone new in his life. And if yes, whether he was the kind of person to simply leave them behind.

Silence settled in between them as Hanji began to close her backpack and lug it out of the way towards the corridor.

"Remember those plans we made? Back in the Legion," she said while tugging at her luggage in the corridor. "How we said we'd explore the world and raise our children in a little cottage." She wanted to test him, to poke him and find out what he really wanted. Why he had showed up out of the blue, a day before she embarked on such a life changing and important journey, only to say he suddenly wanted to come along?

"I do. Thinking back, it feels like that happened a million years ago. We really were different people then."

"Yes we were. Coming up with all kinds of silly dreams just so we could make it to the next day and through the next battle. Anything to hold on to, like people drowning," she said returning from the corridor. She looked at Levi and tried to read him, but it was next to impossible as usual.

"Just so we are clear, that is not why I am here."

"Obviously, Levi, that was ages ago," she said and the words burned as they came over her lips. She thought of his cloak that was now in her luggage and wanted to set it on fire.

"That's fine with you, right?" he asked and it seemed genuine.

"Perfectly fine," she lied and folded her arms across her body. If there was one thing she knew, Levi was sharp when it came to reading body language. And her body was speaking.

"I am doing this because of my job. I'm bored. There isn't much for me to do these days apart from rot at that stupid desk. And it's not like I can just go back to what I did before the Scouting Legion. Not that I would ever want to. I need to leave this place, for my own sake," he said scratching the back of his head. She noticed that he had stopped shaving it like he did back in the day.

"I believe you, Levi. I just wanted to reminisce and joke a bit," she said and smiled. She was smiling even though there was a lump in her throat. It felt as if her airway was being closed up and breathing felt like inhaling large pebbles.

"Okay, that's good. Because I was worried," he said and then looked at her. No matter how hard she tried, there was no way she could hide anything from him for too long. "Oh no," Levi said and sighed deeply. "I really shouldn't have come. I shouldn't be here."

There was no way around it, tears had began to flow out of her eyes and down her cheeks.

"No, it's fine. I mean, this is just emotions overflowing, nothing to worry about. A natural response to what is going on. You showing up here, us talking a little, my leaving tomorrow. My body is just responding to being overstimulated and overworked. Don't worry about me," she said and tugged on a corner of her pyjama to wipe away some tears.

"C'mon, Hanji. Don't start with that science stuff on me. I'll leave, okay," he said and got up.

"Look, I'm fine," she said and smiled again. It might have looked manic, she couldn't tell. Levi seemed confused, unsure of what to do. But the truth was, she did feel better after letting that out. And with him standing in her living room.

"So you're telling me, you're really okay with me coming along?" he asked, sitting in the chair once more. This time she was the one who was unsure of what to say or do.

"I'll have to hand in some forms, and very quickly, too. And we might be delayed by a day or two. But other than that it's really up to you," she heard herself saying.

"Fine, it's settled then. Please include me in your squad Hanji Zoe," he said and she felt her chest tighten.

***

The sun was barely over the horizon when Levi handed over the keys for his room in the inn and put his backpack over his shoulder. He still felt guilty about what happened the night before. He knew Hanji was hurting, but he also knew that they were new people now. Him in particular and his missing eye was the best proof of that. At least that is what he told himself over and over again. And yet he couldn't explain why this new him, years in the making, suddenly ached for the old. He tugged at his backpack, containing the last of his belongings and made his way along the gravel road. Hanji had given him the address of the Cartography Institute headquarters and told him to come by as early as he could. As he approached the building he was surprised to find that it was the former Scouting Legion headquarters. It was more than ten years that he had last been there, before the fall of Wall Maria. He made his way through the dusty empty corridors, following the voices that were echoing along. It wasn't long until he found the room where they were coming from, but before he knocked to enter he realized that an argument was under way.

"...and what exactly is he going to be doing when he comes along?" a male voice asked. It was unmistakably Moblit Berner, Hanji's former assistant and second in command in her squad during the Scouting Legion days.

"How the hell do I know? Look, we need as many hands we can get. Anyone who has the guts to come along should be given the chance!" Hanji shot back. "Levi has a lot of useful skills," she added. He tried to peer through the crack in the door, but it was too narrow.

"I understand that, but it's too sudden, Hanji. We've already made all the calculations for the rations as well as the fuel for the hot air balloons. Recalculating all that will take at least a couple of days. Not to mention we have to actually buy all that," Moblit said and Levi noticed that there was a closeness between them that hadn't existed back in the military.

"Then I'll do the calculations. It won't take me longer than half a day. And I'll find the funds," she said.

"Why do you even want to take him along so badly? I don't want this to turn into a sightseeing tour. We're all scientists, including Armin who will be writing his final paper about this trip and it's results. What will _he_ contribute?" Moblit asked, spitting the word _"he"_.

"A lot. And since you wanted to know why? Because he is a good friend and we had always talked about doing this type of a thing back then. I never thought that it would actually happen. I was sure were all going to die. That's why! And look, here we are! Alive and breathing. How do you expect me to refuse such a request?" she said.

"Fine, but I don't approve of this. I'm doing it although it doesn't make much sense. But since you are in charge, all I can do is contribute my ideas and hope they reach you. I'll handle the calculations. Which leaves you with finding money. If we're quick and lucky it'll only cost us a day," Moblit said.

"Now you're making me sound irrational," Hanji said angrily. The more Levi heard, the more it sounded like a couple arguing. He couldn't take it anymore and decided to knock and enter.

"Good morning!" Hanji exclaimed and came to hug him. As she threw her arms around him, Levi caught a glimpse of Moblit, who seemed to be gritting his teeth while staring holes into the ground. "I hope you haven't been standing there for long," Hanji said knowingly.

"No, I literally just arrived," Levi lied.

"Long time no see," Moblit said and walked over to greet him. "Hope life has been treating you well."

"Thanks, same to you," Levi said taking Moblit's hand. He couldn't explain why, but he decided to grip it harder than he usually would.

"Okay, now that we have exchanged pleasantries, let's see what you've got there. Levi, your baggage needs to be weighed and analysed. We're only taking certain things with us since we'll be travelling large parts of the journey with balloons we have to consider weight," she said grabbing Levi's bag.

He let her take his bag, albeit reluctantly. It felt like she was about to take his home apart.

"It's fine for me to look, right? We don't have secrets here by the way."

"Why am I not surprised," he said while Hanji went through his belongings.

"Just as I thought. Perfectly ironed shirts, trousers, two cravats, a new travelling journal, pens," she said and continued to list everything that was inside. "Hmm, no excess baggage, I'm impressed. I don't think you'll have to leave anything behind. A light traveller," she added.

As Levi stood between the two of them, Moblit sitting at a desk near the window, scribbling away, and Hanji, stuffing his belongings back into his backpack, he wondered what exactly the relationship between the two of them was. They seemed very close, unprofessionally close, but there was something missing as well.

"Hey there!" Hanji said waving her hand in front of him. "It's not like you to daydream!"

"I was not, I was just thinking," he said. Her smile warmed him up from the inside, but also made him think of the night before. The tears running down her face. Hanji had a talent for acting.

"Of what?" she asked.

"Nothing much," he said.

"Levi, the tight-lipped great thinker of our time," she mocked him.

"I really don't want to disturb you, but what I'm doing requires some concentration," Moblit suddenly said.

"Apologies, we're already on our way!" Hanji said and grabbed Levi's arm.

"Where to?" he asked.

"We're going to need a little bit more money," she said and dragged him out of the room.

As they walked down the corridor, side by side in silence, he took sometime to look at what she was wearing. Sturdy brown leather boots, that ended just above her ankles, the laces neatly tied. Dungarees, worn over what looked like the yellow shirt she always wore even back then.

"So where are we going?" he asked.

"I was thinking we could visit some old friends, people who are quite fond of the Cartography Institute because it reminds them of the good ol' days. Just to see if they have some loose change they'd love to invest," she said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, next chapter will be posted sooner hopefully!


	4. Chapter 4

In the end, they lost three days. The first day was spent explaining the situation to the rest of the group, looking for money as well as stocking up on rations and handling the paperwork.

The second day went by as quickly as it came. Levi met Armin for the first time since the great battle. Hanji wasn't too sure, but Levi seemed impressed by the growth spurt that the boy had gone through, standing a few centimetres taller than her. Armin on the other hand couldn't stop referring to Levi as _Captain_ , no matter how many times he was corrected.

They took all the new rations to a storage hall located at what Hanji had dubbed _air port_ , but really it was just a large empty field outside Shinganshina. The air ship had been stored away in a large hall, to protect it from the weather and onlookers.

The third day was full of briefings, mainly for Levi. They, Hanji, Moblit and Levi, talked and talked with Hanji wanting to be sure that they didn't miss out on any information that might be useful to him.

Soon the sun set and the town grew quiet and somehow the conversation drifted away from the expedition and landed on memory lane.

"You remember the time, in the capital with Mike and Nanaba? When we went to that crazy place and Nanaba showed up in her uniform and Erwin almost found out that we went drinking on Scouting Legion expenses?" Hanji said and laughed. The room had cooled down and the only source of light were two lamps that flickered every now and then.

"I think I'll be going home," Moblit finally said. Hanji felt bad that he had to stick around and listen to her boring stories, but she couldn't help herself.

"Okay, make sure you get lots of rest. After all, tomorrow, no today, damn it's already past twelve. Today is the big day," Hanji said.

"I'm more worried about the two of you. There'll be no sleeping in the balloon tomorrow," he said.

"Don't worry Moblit. We survived the great battle, we can master this," Levi said looking over his shoulder. Moblit was already at the door.

"Fine, see you in a couple of hours then," he said and left.

After some time went by, Levi finally decided to ask. "What is going on between you and _Mr. Berner_?" Hanji looked him up and down before speaking. There was no sign of jealousy or unusual unease in his voice or demeanour.

"You know, when a man and a woman like each other a lot. Like, a lot. They might meet in a quiet place and-" she began but was interrupted.

"That is not what I mean," Levi said. He seemed flustered, which was something Hanji still enjoyed. "You know what I mean."

"It's nothing. I mean, we might have. A couple of times. Look, it's not really worth mentioning."

"Wow, it was that bad," Levi said and there was a hint of triumph in his voice. She had wanted to make fun of him and his straight-laced ways when it came to talking about relationships and love. But he was flipping the script on her.

"No, it was okay, no wait, it was great,... that is not the point," Hanji said as she felt the blood rising to her face. Luckily the light was not bright enough to give anything away.

"So that's why," he said, like he had just solved a puzzle he had been mulling over for some time

"What's why?"

"Well, there was an awkward tension between the two of you. I couldn't really place it," he said.

"Well, now you know," Hanji said.

"As long as whatever you two have doesn't interfere with me, I'm fine," he said and she knew he was lying. There was something that Levi didn't know about himself and that was his tell. He was pretty good at deceiving strangers or enemies, but she knew he found it hard to lie to her. And each time he did lie to her, he touched or scratched the back of his head.

But even she had exaggerated about the nature of her relationship with Moblit. Yes she had slept with him, but only once and it had been horrible and they chose not to talk about it. But for some reason, Moblit was still fond of her.

"Nah, I don't think that will happen. The Cartography Institute is a place full of professionals after all," she said and looked at him. He was fighting the urge to laugh so she began to smile and then giggle. And then they both broke out into laughter. She laughed, forgetting what had been so funny in the first place and until tears of joy started to trickle out of her eyes.

"I mean, thinking back to the Scouting Legion days, even if you guys are only half as bad as we were, there is a lot going on here," he said, words interspersed with breathy chuckles.

"I know right?" she said still chuckling.

But no matter how much she laughed, that last little bit ache in the back of her mind, wouldn't go away. "Levi?"

"Hmm?"

"When was the last time you put on your 3D maneuver gear?" she suddenly asked.

"I thought you were going to ask me if I had met someone too, since back then," Levi said.

"Huh?" Hanji said and she was truly surprised. Who was this man?

"The last day of the great battle. That's when I last wore a 3D maneuver gear. I took it off and simply never needed to wear it again. Not that I wanted to anyway. Why?"

"Wait a minute, you thought I was going to ask you that?" Hanji asked, her voice prodding him.

"Forget about it," Levi said. She wondered why he had thrown that comment out there in the first place.

"I don't think I have the right to ask you such a thing," Hanji began but Levi laughed a hollow, mocking laugh.

" _You_ not having the right to ask _me_ , something? Decency and personal space never stopped you back in the day."

"Well that was a long time ago. I've learned a lot since then," Hanji said in reply.

"Hear, hear. And here I thought you are afraid of what you might find if you asked." Levi's words knocked a bit of air out of her.

"Why would I be, we're different people now. You have your life, I have mine. Those things happened not a few years ago, but what feels like a few lifetimes ago, right?" She was mocking him. But what else was one to do, when being barraged by someone's mixed feelings like that?

Silence settled between them.

"Remember when you knocked on my door four days ago?" Hanji broke the silence. She had decided to move onto the next topic and hoped Levi would follow.

"Yes," he answered, his voice giving away that he might still be lost in thought.

"Remember when I showed you my sword and said it was a job requirement to have one?"

"I do."

"Okay, come with me."

In the end she ended up leading him into the basement of the building. It was filled with the newest 3D maneuver gear models as well as large stocks of gas. Even though three years had gone by without incidents, the government still felt the need to keep at least some reserves in case something regarding titans were ever to happen again. It wasn't likely, after all, the problem had resolved in a way that meant that the re-appearance of titans was close to zero percent. But since there was still a small chance, especially when venturing into unknown territory, at least four people in her staff were required to be proficient in the use of the 3D maneuver gear.

And Levi was the perfect candidate, but he also despised the use of the 3D maneuver gear these days. For obvious reasons. It was unfair of her to bring him down there and show him all these things in the hope of making him change his mind and stay behind. But it was what she had to do to save herself.

"What do you think?" she asked turning the lamp toward the storage room so the light shone on the bottles and racks with equipment.

He looked at her and there was slight panic in his eyes. She hated how she was making him feel.

"I'll have to wear one, right?"

"Just in case. It's very unlikely that we meet any, but if we ever do, we're required, by law, to be prepared."

"I see," he said. "Then I'll do it. I mean, the chance is probably very small, right?"

"0.01%," she replied, her voice trembling as she spoke. It was a technique she had learned from Levi himself. A scare tactic he frequently used on people to make them do his bidding. It hurt her to see that it was as effective on him as it was on anyone else in brining out their fears. But he fought against his. Of course he did.

"I'll do it," he said, his eyes locked on the equipment in front of them.

 ***

As the entire air ship gently rose into the sky, Hanji couldn't help but hoot. She leaned over the railing and waved at the people on the ground who were getting smaller and smaller. Then turned back to Levi who was sitting on the floor, refusing to look over the edge. But at least he had made it to deck.

"Come and take a look! The view is amazing!" she said as the houses started to look more like toys.

"I'm fine just like this," Levi said making sure not to move too far from the stairs that descended into the inside of the ship.

"C'mon, don't be like that," she said and heaved him to the top. He stubbornly resisted until Moblit showed up. It was funny to watch him straighten himself up, despite being horrified by the heights they were travelling at.

"How are you liking the trip so far?" Moblit asked.

"It couldn't be any better!" Hanji exclaimed.

"We'll be arriving at the Southern Checkpoint in the evening. From there on it's terra incognita," Moblit said.

"I'm so excited!" Hanji shouted and embraced Moblit, who nearly buckled under the unexpected force. "Can you believe we've actually done it?! We've actually done it!" she asked him, with a shakiness that had suddenly surfaced in her voice. With Hanji, all emotions seemed to lie in one place and once she tapped into one, others sometimes came out as well. She knew Levi was standing right behind her and how he didn't like when she overreacted, but there was no way around it. They were finally in the air and it was the best feeling she had felt in a long time. Moblit replied by patting her on the back until she was ready to let go.

"I'm sorry I'm being a nuisance," she said after letting go of him. "I'm supposed to be leading this expedition after all."

When she turned to talk to Levi, she found the spot empty. She looked to the stairs that lead under deck and caught a glimpse of his hair disappearing into the dark. Not wanting to burden Moblit with talk about Levi, she asked him to call Armin instead.

***

Levi sat at one of the empty tables in the community room under deck and tried not to imagine the open space that was only a few meters beneath him. The air ship was shaped almost like a regular ship, with a deck from which one could look at the landscape as one travelled and a cavernous lower deck that was divided into two floors. The upper floor contained the cabins and community areas, the lower floor all their luggage and supplies. The ship itself was rigged to a large sausage-shaped balloon that sat where a regular ship would have sails. Below she balloon were four impressive burners that powered it. Hanji had explained how the burners burned a special fuel, in return the fire heated the air inside the balloon, making it lighter and thus making it rise. This made the entire ship float and was making their travel possible. She had said it to make him feel less queasy about the journey. Levi decided to not to tell her it hadn't worked.

"Captain, I mean, Le-, Levi, sir," someone stammered, interrupting Levi's trail of thought. Levi looked up at the tall blond in front of him. It was hard to believe that this was the same timid boy he had met all those years ago. He now tied his longish hair in a little ponytail, and his expression was worn by adulthood and the battle. His strikingly blue eyes and muscular stature reminded Levi of another blond he once knew. Only his fidgeting and unreasoned nervousness gave him away.

"Just _"Levi"_ is fine. We're not in the military anymore," Levi said trying his best to put him at ease. It was bad enough he himself was feeling like throwing up, no need to have someone else just as jittery and nervous.

"I'm sorry, Levi, erm, would you like some tea? We don't have a staffed kitchen or anything fancy like that on board, but I can make you something if you like," Armin said.

Where was this coming from, Levi wondered. He looked around for any signs of  Hanji but there were none. She was probably still crying into the arms of her fuck buddy. He looked back up at Armin, nodded. "Sure, thanks."

Armin seemed to be puffed up by his reply and made his way to the back of the room. As he waited, Levi tried to get the image of Hanji and Moblit out of his mind. Them having been together, even if it was only a couple of times and perhaps nothing serious, was a natural flow of events. Hanji was a busy woman so getting close to those she spent her days with was only normal. Not to mention it was him who dumped her by simply shutting off all communication. Levi let out a sigh and rubbed his forehead. Hopefully the tea would make the nausea go away.

"Here, your tea," Armin said and placed a mug with steaming liquid in front of Levi. He took a seat opposite him and smiled nervously. Wasn't there anyone else Armin could entertain? Not to mention he really didn't look like he was doing it voluntarily or enjoying it. Levi nodded back in silence and took a sip of the tea.

"So, Capt-, I mean, Levi, what do you think so far?" Armin asked. He was trying his very best.

I'm holding onto my insides with all my strength, is what Levi wished he could have said. Instead he said, "It's a fast and hassle-free way of travelling, I like it."

"It is,  isn't it?" Armin said and laughed nervously. "The first time I flew in one of these, a much smaller one, I felt ill the entire time. But I'm used now."

Levi tired his best to smile and pretend he knew nothing about feeling ill, but he knew he had probably just grimaced at Armin. Armin nervously looked around, obviously not knowing what to say next.

"So, how are your friends, Eren and Mikasa doing," Levi asked as he struggled to take another sip. Armin lit up as he heard the question and immediately began to talk.

"Oh, they're fine. Mikasa is a rising star in newly formed police force. Apparently she is the youngest chief inspector they've ever had. Obviously," Armin said and chuckled about stating the obvious. "And Eren, well, it took him really long to figure out what he wanted to do after you know, after it all ended. We were all so focused on fighting and stuff since we were young, but it was more intense for him. Let's just say he drifted off for some time. But he's doing fine now. He is training to be a doctor," Armin added.

Levi nearly spat out his tea. "This surprises you just as it does anyone I mention it to, " Armin said and laughed. "But every word is true. His father was a doctor, you know. Eren really cares about the people around him, I think he'd make a great one. He actually insists he wants medical knowledge so he can join me on expeditions and help out," Armin said and took a sip of his tea. "Oh, and Jean finally popped the question to Mikasa and she said yes. Who would have thought?"

Levi felt strangely relaxed after hearing that all the kids had actually grown into adults and were adjusting to regular life. He took another sip and noticed that his nausea had nearly left him. Was it the tea? He sniffed on it, then took another sip.

"Is it helping?" Armin asked. Levi stared back at him, puzzled. So he'd known?

"Erm, it tastes good, what is in it?" Levi asked instead. He wasn't going to say it if Armin already knew how dreadful he was feeling anyway.

"It's a special mix of herbs I made after that first trip I had. I figured if there'll be more people travelling by balloon in the future, some of them might not take to this mode of transportation. So I read up on herbs and prepared blends that didn't taste horrible. Then I took them along on subsequent trips to try out and this mix seems to be the most effective. I actually hope to make a tonic or pills out of it. Much faster to ingest." Armin explained. What a smart young man, Levi thought to himself. He was genuinely impressed.

"Is that why you're on the expedition?" Levi asked.

"Oh no, the tonic is just a fun project," Armin said and it was clear that he was uncomfortable calling it that. For most people that might have been a life's work. "Erm, I'm just one of the Professor's cartography students. I plan to learn under her and then hopefully open my own institute and further explore the world."

The Professor. He probably meant Hanji by that.

"Yahoo!" Hanji yelled from the door. Speaking of the devil, Levi thought to himself. She interrupted the conversation and spread the maps she had tucked under her arm onto the table. "So, I'm sure you guys want to know our current location, right?" People from the other tables, on hearing her announcement, crowded around theirs to take a look. "So, this is Shiganshina. This is the Southern Checkpoint," she said and pointed at a marker on the bottom of the map. "And according to the navigation team, we're currently here."

She pointed at a place above a lake that was already quite far from Shinganshina. By horse and cart it probably would have taken them half a day if not longer to get there. And then they would have had to ride around it. The rest of the people let out gasps of astonishment. But Levi was looking at Hanji only, the way she stood at the table, pointing at the map while everyone looked on curiously and in awe. She almost seemed to be surrounded by a special kind of glow. He stared until someone bumped into him by accident.

"This is modern science at work, people! Take note of what we have achieved!" she said, making them all cheer and clap. Levi caught Armin's gaze from across the table, he was smiling at him knowingly.

"So, I'm pinning the map to the wall, Armin check in with Navigation and update our position every hour or so, okay?"

"Yes," Armin said and got up. But before he left he turned and spoke. "I hope you have a comfortable journey, Levi." It warmed his heart that the boy could finally say his name without stammering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long to update uwu Next chapter will be quicker hopefully.  
> I thought I should explain how they're travelling. And I just love writing convos between Levi and Armin.


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